Yes, I am going out on a limb here and proclaiming Elijah Craig 12 the absolute best whiskey (not just bourbon) in the world! For under $30 that is. If it was $10 more, there would be some other competition sneaking up on this most sublime of delights, for under $30 that is. It’s like your tongue is twirling around a rich Butterscotch candy until somebody jars upon your mouth and throws in a s’mores, replacing the Hershey’s with Belgian dark chocolate, without the bitterness.
When I first had Elijah Craig 12 – or EC12 as I now refer to one of my besties – I was blown away because for $25, I was expecting something far more inferior, but this cheap hooker is actually making the high end call girls nervously shake in their high heel stilettos. She may not know all the tricks, but she’s got the basics down and then some. Oh yes, she is very enthusiastic and she knows you’ve noticed. And those “premium” floozies, they are a bit hard to find these days if case you haven’t noticed. Higher end Four Roses, George T. Stagg, William Larue Weller, etc… – good luck tracking them down. And Pappy Van Winkle, she’s the biggest tease of them all, unless you are Anthony Bourdain who annoyingly brags on Twitter about how awesomely tasty his Pappy 15 is. And just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman didn’t kiss, EC12 doesn’t do ice. Don’t even think about it or this pimp here will rough you up. Save the ice for the Glenfiddich 12 miniature that annoyed flight attendant tosses you midway through your 12 hour transcontinental flight.
I am by no means saying EC12 is the best bourbon readily available, but the price is right, and she doesn’t have any gold teeth either. With whiskey prices going up across the board, it is an absolute delight to see it stay the same price, for now. Yes, I was most upset about Talisker 18’s recent price hike, but if anyone messes with my favorite late night booty call, an enraged john you shall see. In fact, stop reading this post. Don’t buy Elijah Craig 12. I don’t want people knowing it’s better than the more recognizable, almost twice as expensive Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel. I want to keep the prices down or at least not contribute to its hike. Go find your own discount trollop. This is my super hot street walker and she is the most lovely, deliciously soothing, and decadently exquisite beauty that exists on this planet of ours and we, the minions of the world, cannot possibly do any better, for under $30 that is.
(Oh yeah, B+. If/when it is $50, B)